Miley Fucking Cyrus

Miley Cyrus

What happened to Hannah Montana? One day I’m watching the Disney channel, thinking: “Hey, Hannah Montana is looking fit.” And the next I’m watching the same girl grind up against a pole at the some awards do. What the hell? What’s next, Zack and Cody snorting cocaine at the FA Cup final? TJ from Recess pulling a prostitute out of the back of his car on You’ve Been Framed? Bart Simpson curb stomping Sabrina the teenage witch because she didn’t get the golden monkey on Jungle Run?

What the hell is Cyrus’ problem? What is she trying to prove? That she is capable of fucking everything on the planet? Including women, judging by her haircut. She’s been elevated to this ridiculous level of fame lately, and I don’t even know why. The only thing I know that she has done is a bad kids TV show. And she did some singing, apparently.     

It annoys me that she gets away with acting like a complete slapper in the name of “creating an image” or “styling her character”. Fuck you Miley Cirus, and fuck everyone involved in your dirty psycho career. I got lucky, by the time she started acting like Mary Magdalene I was old enough to understand that she was a fuck up.

But imagine kids trying to copy that. Billions of girls walking round with a Mohawk trying to write third rate tunes and get their faces on every newspaper possible. Imagine that world.

Snapchat

Snapchat

Whose fucking idea was Snapchat? Because I want to meet that guy, and punch him square in the face.

What was the pitch?

“Yes, I know we already have something for chatting to people Duncan Bannatyne. Yeh I know it’s called texting. BUT, have you ever had a text and thought: ‘Oooooo, could do with a picture of somebody’s face in the background there.’?

That’s what this “Snapchat” is for.”

I mean come on, most of the time, the reason I am texting a person is because I don’t want to meet them. So I really don’t care about seeing their face.

I guess it’s not really the app that annoys me; it’s the misuse of it. Like, people who pout at the camera and then put over it: “Getting some dinner”.

Nice. Real creative there. Because I really give a shit.

Obviously then though, you get these Snapchat legends. They are the reason I still have this app. People who draw a grey hat on their heads and a long beard with the caption: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS”. People who put photos of themselves leaning out of a window, arms spread saying: “I’m king of the world!”. People who make themselves look like Hagrid and put: “You’re a wizard Harry.”

Snapchatters like that, you have my stamp of approval.