Strip Clubs

Strip Clubs

Hey… NO! No. It’s “Strip Clubs”. I am a straight man. I’m not saying I hate seeing attractive women next to naked, although either way I don’t see why you’d jump to that conclusion. Homophobes.

          I do in fact despise strip clubs, with a burning passion. I hate the women that work there, I hate the men that go in there and I hate the concept of luring penis driven drunkards into a bar to charge literally borderline illegal prices for drinks and “other services”. It’s the assumption that everyone with a penis is stupid enough to pay £20 for a half-decent looking woman to wave her arse in their face that really pisses me off. And then these “lads” out on the “lash” will go and prove them absolutely right. These places shouldn’t earn money. They shouldn’t turn profit. The drinks alone are ridiculously priced. But they do, because after a few pints one of these dances make boys feel like Brad Pitt. They feel like they’ve pulled because these girls chat them up. It’s just too easy for them.

          Do you know what I tell these strippers: Fuck you. Fuck you and your bull shit lines. Fuck you and your patronisation. Fuck you and your bleach blonde hair. How fucking stupid do you actually think I am? And you’d think at this point they’d realise I have half a brain, so they’re probably barking up the wrong tree. But noooooooo. No, they offer me “a special £70 extra dirty dance”. One, Mrs.Stripper woman, I don’t even know what the fuck that means, so you’re “clever stripper lingo” intrinsically designed to trick me into going upstairs with you is lost on me, and two, why, after I have made it so blatantly obvious that I don’t give a shit, do you persist?

          One last cheap shot, then I’ll stop. If, now this point is based on IF, prostitution is the laziest form of occupation. If prostitutes are the lowest form of person, the surely strippers are just lazy prostitutes. At least Crystal on the street corners gets the job done. I mean I’m just saying. If you can’t even be bothered to do a job properly, then why are you even on this planet? I mean, that’s just logic right there.