The British Government

As if we Brits didn't already have cause to hate the Government already, now they've started slipping below, even their own standards of lackluster stupidity. 

So we all hate the BNP, yeh? They're stupid, narrow minded, fat old losers that definitely were picked on at school and now mask racism as "change". There's no argument there, if you're at all educated you know you hate the BNP. I mean for fuck sake Nick Griffon, maybe if you had spent the majority of your childhood playing football or climbing trees, or doing anything in fact, anything that wasn't sitting inside nursing this burning resentment for the world's inhabitants, you would done something with your life that would have actually made your mummy and daddy proud, therefore voiding the need for this crazy crusade you are on to rid "Britain" of all the "Pakis". Nick Griffon wasn't hugged as a child. 

But at least he's honest. At least he flat out says: "Yep, I hate black people." *winks at the camera with his thumbs up*. Then we can all just: "Oh look at that Sarah, it's a stupid fat bloke on the telly being a racist. Well I wont be listening to anything he has to say, but he'll be a great point of ridicule." 

Job's a good one.

At least he isn't a sly little worm, like the Home Office have been this week. What our beloved all mighty Home Office has done, and correct me if I'm wrong, is text 40,000 residents of the UK, telling them that they are illegal immigrants. Which is both astounding and hilarious on so many levels. So what, what David Cameron's plan is, is to text all these "illegal immigrants" that are "tearing this country apart" and ask them to leave? To be honest Dave, I think these "illegal immigrants" already have a complete disregard for the law. Therefore, you texting them: "R U an immigrant LOL. Like, go home init xoxox" won't do an awful lot, I am guessing. 

Not only is it that it's a ridiculous plan, that by the way has been deemed as "proactive steps...". Yeh, proper pro active that Dave and the gang. But they fucked it up anyway. A fair few of these texts went to people who had every right to be living in the UK. *slow sarcastic clap*. Nice to know tax payer's money is going to a good cause, ey lads?

"But what about those maverick immigrants that don't have a phone? What you gunna do there Dave?"

"Yeh, not sure a letter on horseback is the best way to go."

"No no, you're the prime minister. I'll saddle up Bullseye now."

Stupid pen pushing fat cats.

The England Football Team

Now I am a big football fan. I am a proud supporter of Liverpool Football club, and have been for many years. See I've timed this really well, because there will be no ridicule over my choice of team as, as it happens, they are on the best run of form I've seen for 3 years. Who the fuck are Man United? #YNWA.

But I'm not complaining about the bias towards Man U in the Barclays Premier League. Although it definitely does exist, and I find it hilarious that this year it isn't paying of for the scum bag, sub par, joke of a club. I'm complaining about another inexplicable hilarity in modern day professional football: The England National Team.  

The fact that England is home to the greatest and biggest league on the planet, and boasts the most formidable talent pool to date, but yet still doesn't manage to have any kind of significant in international competitions is something that I think baffles most football fans. There is nothing wrong with the team (Minus the obvious fact that they are 11 overpaid, animalistic, spoiled little brats wearing boots that are worth more than most of our televisions). They're good footballers, individually. But it seems as soon as they put on the Three Lions shirt, they might as well have fielded 11 blind dwarfs. 

I've already had a go at Rugby. I don't get it. But at least the rugby players are really giving it all on that pitch. They're literally fighting to win the game, where as most footballers are just dancing around hoping the ball goes in the net. And in the case of our dear national team, standing still and hoping all the media hype somehow gives them special powers of telekinesis so then they can score goals with their minds. 

Actually, no. I don't think most of them even give a shit. I don't think they care if they win or lose. Or at least, that's how it looks when I watch them. There's no desperate diving headers. There's no last ditch tackles. There's no emotional overflow and fighting. There's nothing. Conveniently, they';re playing tonight. In a massive game against Montenegro. I think we're predicting a win. The day England are literally shitting themselves about playing Montenegro is the day we might as well change their nicknames from the Three Lions to the Three Wimpy Sheep. But don't have high hopes. England have a certain talent for pushing the boundaries of letting their country down.