The X Factor

Literally cannot imagine anything worse than going to one of these "X Factor parties" people seems to be jizzing over now a days. 

"Hey Jord, wanna come over and watch the X Factor final with 12 other people you don't know? We'll get Doritos!"

"Hmmm.... Let me think about that Dave..... No. No I wouldn't like to come round to your house where 80% of the people have to sit on bean bags or the floor and get half drunk while watching a bunch of half wit pricks beg for a chance at being Simon Cowell's fuck buddy for 8 months. You need to get some friends, and a life if that's how you want to spend a Saturday night."

That's all they are, half witted pricks. 

Don't give us all this shit about wanting to be a "rockstar" or whatever. You just want to be famous. 90% of people that go on that show don't give a shit about making music, and that's why they release one début album and disappear off the face of the Earth. They want to be Kim Kardashian, not Freddie Mercury.

It's the same every year, with the same sob story excuses, and the same shitty songs, and the same shitty judges, and the same shitty costumes, and the same shitty shows blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhh...............

It's everything that's wrong with music. It's not an art any more, it's a business, and as soon as some conglomerate blowing, money raping, shameless dick head like Simon Cowell get's hold of something like this it's over. Music is dead, and Jimmy Hendrix is turning in his grave. 

The King is dead, long live the prick. 

Sit Coms

Now I love comedy. Situation comedys, if they are done properly, are fantastic, and it is a personal goal of mine to get into writing comedy at some point. 

But when half-arsed "comedians" put these jester like shows together it's an embarrassment to their careers, and our intelligence. 

Catherine Tate is a prime example. Most of her shit is just terrible catchphrases being shouted at high volume by hyperbolic characters, I don't think I have ever actually laughed at anything on The Catherine Tate Show. How can anyone find that funny?

"Ugh... am ah boverd?" No Catherine, I don't suppose you are bothered. Because we haven't been bothered ever since you showed your fucked up ugly mug on our TV screens. Little Britain was better, but still absolutely cringe worthy. How hard is it to get a fat guy in a dirty shirt to get out of a wheel chair and jump in a pool? About as hard as stamping on a kittens head, and just as funny. 

They don't want comedic respect, or to force people to understand the jokes. There's no work on the audiences part. Writers are expected to spoon feed audiences with these shows and it's fucking sickening. You might as well let kids watch it. It's the CBBC version of comedy, and they're happy with that. 

No shame, no shame in this lowest common denominator comedy. Just taking three days to write a shitty script and put on a shitty outfit just to make some Jeremy Kyle veteran, doll queue hero, 5 kid parenting 19 year old piss themselves for half an hour. Your parents must be so proud. 

Good comedy is full of intelligence, irony and forethought. Not sloppy observations and annoying characters screaming desperately at the camera gasping for any laugh they can get. 

And don't even get me started on Mrs. Browns Boys. 

Christmas

Shut the fuck up, it's my blog and I can dislike what I like. And I hate Christmas.

Like most things in this sycophantic factory of a world, the main thing that pisses me off about Christmas is how stupidly excited people get about it. You can see these types of people on the 20th of November skipping through shopping centres with tinsel around there necks humming "Mistletoe and Wine". Tell you what you can do, go suck off a middle aged, life scorned Santa Claus and hibernate until the 5th of January. You absolute dip shit.

What's worse, is that nobody can explain exactly why they are getting excited. It isn't "the presents", you buy things all year. It isn't "the snow", it snows any time between November and February now a days, (not that snow is anything to get excited about anyway. It's frozen water, shut the fuck up), it's not "seeing your family", you can do that any day. 

And it isn't the Christmas dinner. Think about it, Christmas owns the "massive Sunday dinner" now. If it wasn't for Christmas dinner, we'd have a massive Sunday dinner every week, but nooooooo. Christmas owns that now, we save all the proper food for a special occasion, you know, like an imaginary baby's birthday. How much more special can you get?

So we just resign ourselves to the fact that we have to eat super noodles all year round, in the desperate hope that finally, when December 25th comes around, that turkey will taste like heaven compared to all the processed shit we swear by 99% of the time. And if not, there's always next year. 

Idiots.