Joey Essex

Mr and Mrs "Essex" would definitely be on my "kill list" if I ever invented a time machine and went back to the 1980s. Seriously dude, what fucked up, brain mangled, school dodging crack addicts would want to raise their kid to be like Joey Essex? If my kid couldn't tell me how many sides a square had by his mid 20s, I's hold myself personally responsible and get straight to re-enacting the BME Pain Olympics video pronto. 

Don't dare tell me he's adorable. He's not adorable, he's a joke to the human race. It's not OK for a guy like him to be so stupid and have as much money as him. There's no way he was the fastest sperm, all the other little swimmers must have been having a lie in when the call came in. 

They all piss me off I suppose, these reality TV pirates that thrive off advertises money and pointless TV time. With their fucking fake tan and their stupid 70 hair styling products. And that's just the guys.

But Joey is a special case, because he's thrust into out faces constantly.

"LOOK AT THIS GUY, HE'S AMAZING. HE'S "SO GOOD LOOKING" AND HE'S STUPID. SO THAT MEANS YOU 15 YEAR OLD FAN GIRLS WATCHING DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AND CAN JUST DESPERATELY TRY TO GET ANY TV APPEARANCE FOR ANY MONEY AND LIVE OFF THAT. IT'S THE LIFE!"

Fuck you. 

Whoever made that douche bag, who thinks it's funny to be nigh on retarded, famous is as stupid as him. I just hope he gets eaten by an anaconda in the jungle. Come on God, I don't ask for much. Just let him fall off the string bridge. Please. 

And if you haven't seen the Pain Olympics, Google that video. Not for the faint hearted, enjoy.