Fuck me 2014 is shit. In the last 2 weeks, I’ve managed to: argue with family, start and fail to write a book, start and fail to write a television script, scrapped 3 “resolutions”, drunk too much beer and destroyed any respect I had for the educational system. In all truth, everyone seems to be having an equally self destructive year... bar blind delusional optimists that skip around on New Years Day wearing flowery tops and giggling about how sunny it is or some shit. I’m sure they are just loving life, while they listen to their “Sounds of the Amazon” CD and do yoga.
Which begs the question: why are we all so excited about the year ending anyway? Resolutions mean nothing. The idea of us all actually changing or becoming better people with the new year has long since been abandoned. Don’t kid yourself, stop making resolutions. Although it is always great to see a giant heffalump of a person drag their carcass body up the hill from the gym on the 3rd January. The disappointment in their eyes, the honesty that encapsulates that look they give you as you speed past in a car. As if to say: “I know mate, I don’t know why I even bothered. I’m too lazy to lose weight.”
Makes me feel all warm inside.
It’s easy and cliche, but I’d have to put it down to the booze. More than cliche even, it’s a little sad. As socially evolved as we are, us humans can’t seem to cope with the fact that we are all one year closer to our inevitable demise. One step closer to heaven, a genius once sang.
And that’s one thing I will give it. New Years Eve unites the world (except China, for reasons best kept to themselves). Yes, it unites the world. I can moan all day long about how pointless resolutions are or how the new year will be exactly the same or how people are so naive in thinking they will change just because they have a new Michael Buble calendar. But there is one event that the earth not China stands united in beer, fireworks, Big Fat Quiz of the Year and blind optimism for. And if there is one thing that the human race can do fucking well, it’s drink our problems away.
Here’s to us, you miserable bastards.
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