I think in most of our heads, The Oscars were all about Leonardo DiCaprio. And if it wasn't for a cracking performance in Dallas Buyers Club by Matthew McConaughey, the Oscar drought would definitely have ended for Leo, leaving us all to enjoy watching him scream triumphantly on stage. Hell, if I was McConaughey I would have given him the trophy. He definitely deserves it. What seems like yet another filmographic injustice darkened the otherwise successful ceremony.
Solace can be taken only in the fact that the apparent Best Actor of 2013 embarrassed himself on a whole new level throughout the night, telling some absolutely disastrous jokes to introduce the Best Animated Film nominees, which were appropriately met with a fog of dead silence. Maybe you should scratch out the "com" in "rom-com" on the occupation section of your CV, eh Matthew. Also looking like a complete tit accepting the award, thanking "God", which is basically social suicide, and claiming that "it is a scientific fact that love for God is reciprocated." Might want to check up on those "scientific" facts Matt.
Other faux pas included: Brad Pitt describing U2 as the biggest rock band in the world (we'll let you off because you've finally cut your hair, but come on Brad, you're better than this), Christian Bale turning up looking like he'd spent several years in a Bhutanese prison, Harrison Ford slurring his words like a stroke victim and Jim Carey contorting his face for cheap laughs, as usual. When he isn't resorting to childish shit like that, he can actually tell some pretty funny jokes. Who knew.
Quick note on Jared Leto: I hate him. I'm sure he did a great job in supporting role, and probably deserved the award, but when a guy accepts an award with a speech rehearsed so well he probably mutters it in his sleep, it makes me sick. Maybe he'll turn it into a 30 Seconds to Mars song, it was repetitive enough. And what the fuck is Channing Tatum presenting awards for? An Oscar presented by Channing Tatum is basically useless. That's like asking Susan Boyle to do you make up. You have to let them do it, so you don't hurt their feelings, but ultimately it's a waste of time, and you'll have to do it yourself later in the mirror to feel comfortable.
Then Zach Efron came out, fucked up his auto-queue lines and my head exploded.
In good news though, Emma Watson looked stunning. And actual credit to our nation, she's one of the only celebrities I'd ever bother to be nice to. Mainly because she's gorgeous and around my age #callmeEmma.
It was a relief to see Lupita Nyong'o win Best Supporting Actress. She deserved every clap she got for her performance in 12 Years a Slave (also Best Picture Winner), and although the charming sass and wit of Jennifer Lawrence or June Squibb deserves an award category of it's own, I think they'd have happily given Lupita the award should they have won it.
Bill Murray also showed his class, show-casing his usual wry self. This guy is just too funny, sincere and cool for Hollywood, and Samuel L Jackson's voice just made everything better. Although by the end I was begging him to double dare everyone to say "I just want to thank" one more time.
Overall, it was it's usual bland affair. Aside from Ellen Degeneres taking a world record breaking selfie, and cutting out my favourite man alive Jared Leto in the process, the evening was marred by DiCaprio being thieved of yet another Oscar, that he clearly was desperate to get hold of. Next Year Leo, next year.
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