Pretentious People

Pretentious People

Oh I’m sorry my good sir, I didn’t realise that you’re better than me because you read Shakespeare in your spare time and have a fancy car. Or that you only wear shirts with some kind of animal on its left hand boob. How silly of me. Tell you what, how about you sit down there and drink some early grey while I shine your shoes and recite your favourite poems in a jaunty accent.

          Fuck you and your “aftershave”. Pretentious people are easily the worst kind of people, beating paedophiles and terrorists by a mile. Obviously. There’s a reason for this. It’s a simple choice. People choose to be pretentious. It’s their fault and their fault only. It’s so easy to just be normal, but yet we still see bastards walking round, swinging their arms, like they’re the “big I am”.

          Why do this? Why do some human beings automatically assume they are better than other human beings? Why is that your default stance? What has gone wrong in your head to make you think that you have the right to judge people at will? Because I’ll tell you something for nothing, you’re almost always no different from the people you’re judging.

          You’ve got your faults too dick head. Just because people don’t feel the need to constantly compare themselves to you doesn’t mean you’re invincible. And to be brutally honest, it’s most likely the fact that you’re pretentious that makes you a worse al round person than the average Brit. Whatever tastes you have adopted because of your “I am all-mighty” stance on life, I bet you don’t really care for at all. We all know you’re a normal kid really. You don’t have to try so hard to adopt a “style” or “look” or whatever it is you’re trying to do. We don’t all meet up in the pub later and go: “Jesus, did you hear that kid earlier talking about existentialism in Kierkegaard’s Paradox? He is a genius isn’t he” It doesn’t happen.

          We go: “How much can somebody try and show off in one lesson.” No fucking need kid. No fucking need. It drives us normal people up the bend.

          And a lot of the time, it’s harmless. There’s these flashy kids that want to show off and make themselves feel good by putting “ism” on the end of everything, and they are ignorable and it’s fine. But occasionally, just occasionally, there comes along a first class slice of wanker that brags about shit he probably hasn’t even done. And it’s the sanity stretching experience of one’s life. Put that in your fucking “pocket diaries”.